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Survivors of the Cut

by Jeff Brawer

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1.
Survivors of the cut Keep our eyes glued on the sweepstakes And our feet dug in a rut Ooh the hassles and tribulations A comedy of errors Chalking up the best reactions one by one Survivors of the cut Keep our eyes glued on the sweepstakes And our feet dug in a rut The impasses and resignations The same old obligations Never want the doing Just the being done Light refracting through the blinds that never open Daring me to look outside to see Some imagined celebration everywhere It ain't fooling me It ain't fooling me I've been up since 3:08 Colliding taunts antagonizing me awake Polarizing every single fucking breath that I ever take Filling up a vacancy Stacking every old deflection on my plate Compromising like I'm bartering with days That's one for you and that's one for me
2.
Kissed by death relentlessly A monumental presence fades The TV’s blaring Oh, but I don't hear a thing Cause there’s nothing I can focus on and nothing I can take And the shambles in a room left incomplete An irreversibility The new silence The new void that permeates Now there’s nothing when the door opens and nothing when I wake WHEN I WAKE! WHEN I WAAAAAAKE! Think about how all I wanna do is stand up straight But the loss is overwhelming And the stillness devastates In the mind it’s all recurring In the mind it’s all the same In a deeper understanding That the circle never breaks And the shambles in a room left incomplete An irreversibility The new silence The new void that permeates Now there’s nothing when the door opens and nothing when I wake WHEN I WAKE! WHEN I WAAAAAAKE!
3.
I'm cursing at inanimate objects Persuading them to see it my way There's never a rebuttal But they always get one over on me The times that I might've missed Staring off into oblivion A smile, a nod or a kiss Nothing lasting anyways Lash out at the petty frustrations Magnify the worst things to see Hone in on that old voice repeating Son, you ain’t cut out for anything The times that I might've missed Staring off into oblivion A smile, a nod or a kiss Nothing lasting anyways And I'm spinning and drowning and fumbling and scrounging and dwelling and drifting off into the weeds
4.
T.Q 02:13
He plead "no siren" when help arrived Cos even in his diminished sight The blue reminds him of younger times When flashing lights would always coincide With the handcuffs clamping left to right And all the years waiting for him inside Wouldn't give them any names Wouldn't give them any names Pay the price for loyalty I said "it's good to see you again" He said "it's good to hear you again" The vision faded, but that laugh remained Used to echo down the hallway of our single-wide estate He said "I can't believe she's gone away" She was the only one who really looked out for me It took confinement for him to see It took confinement for him to see All the times he fucked up along the way
5.
I spend too much time in this parking lot Just give me a moment and maybe just a few more songs And I swear I'll make my way through them double doors again I do anything just to hesitate Watch the colors change on a Kenwood faceplate And I swear when the cycle ends I'll be inside to see you again And I let it all get away Let that hindsight heckle me Sweet delusions always go away Oh Sweet delusions won't you stay A drunken presence or an afterthought Sweat and service only to be bought Just prove a point cos they're all keeping score The boldest checkmark leaves with more And what it takes just to move and thrive Keep that heart keep blood colliding Sweet delusions always go away Sweet delusions won't you stay
6.
Mutter 04:19
Masking devices Got my sanity to save Give me sound give me sound just drown out the never ending ring And I'm sighing with the air brakes Feel that freight crash down on me Temperature steady rising rising rising at an unforgiving pace Talking talking Restless demons conversate Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth and They ain't solving anything I'd slip out of the commotion and find a perfect place to stay But I got no sense of direction I ain't finding anything I mutter under my breath I'm god damning this place

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released March 8, 2023

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Jeff Brawer Tampa, Florida

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